Confessions of an ex-World of Warcraft gamer.

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

My counselor says I need to leave this town.

I am a completely different person when I'm at school. I'm eager to communicate, I try to go the extra mile, I hang out, I stay after (if I'm not too tired or hungry), I get into trouble, I have a good time. If I game, it's with a group of people I am physically with.

I don't think about WoW or any other MMO. If anything, I think about making one.

At home, it's just the same old redundant out in the country. I go into my room. I may try to talk to my family, but they get distracted or are just as tired. I go online and do online things. It's boring and unfeeling. And yes, sometimes I may play on the WoW private servers just to put a dent in my redundancy. But even then, there is nothing there.

The medication I'm on right now makes me dream every night. Sometimes they're painfully vivid nightmares that make me scared to go to sleep. But other times, they're exciting dreams that make me never want to wake up again.

I sent my friend a text message last night because I didn't feel like coming online:

I feel so stifled. I go on WoW to play & I feel nothing. I don't finish my Neverwinter Nights download because I don't know what I can get from it. I then realize I'm not gaming for fun, but for compensation of this redundancy and my limited options here. And then, what does one do when your last outlet becomes a part of that redundant, stifling pattern to where you log in and play mindlessly, so far gone in the task, you're numb to your drug of choice?
I think the question was rhetorical. Nonetheless, it's haunting my mind.

I have to go to the next city over to give my housing deposit over for the dorms. My financial aid approved of me to get them, so all there is now is to wait until move-in time.

But what do I do until then?


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