Confessions of an ex-World of Warcraft gamer.

Monday, September 17, 2007

The breakup letter.

So, last week, I was having a talk with a friend who I met on WoW. (we quit together under the terms the game was stupid, but I was addicted and he wasn't; he's been EXTREMELY supportive of me, though)

At the time, I was on the rebound playing on private servers. Although I wouldn't play as compulsively as I would on retail- considering one server had extremely high rates and custom content, and the other was 1-hit-level-70, I still played on my weeks off from school and work to cope with my anxiety and stress that had accumulated over the years in addition to being in such a 'dead area' (Read the previous post).

I was repeating to him what happened in counseling in a sort of zoned out state. At the same time, I was playing Windows Solitaire for the hell of it on the PC in the kitchen while waiting for my dinner to finish cooking.

It was the first time, in a long time, I had to play a game that commanded my skill and actual attention.

It was kind of a slap in the face. I said "IM LOSING AT WINDOWS SOLITAIRE." But, it was more to it than that; WAY more. I can't explain it, but it hit me hard. I was expecting the same kind of gameplay I had been used to since December 6th, 2004. And, all of a sudden, the gameplay I remembered from 1984 just jumped on me.

I still can't put it into words; it's more to it than that. I said "I really need to get rid of WoW." After all the trouble I went to re-downloading it and putting it on not one, but two computers...

I asked my friend what I could do to get it out of my system. He suggested that, if he were me, he'd write something like a breakup letter to WoW. List all the good times. List the bad times. Say why you can't be there for WoW anymore. Burn the letter.

Truth be told, I hate writing. I hate writing my own name with a pencil, even; I have to use a pen. This makes no sense because I draw a lot; it's part of my study and work. But the act of typing gives me a lot of relief.

So, that's what I did. I poured my heart out. Those good times I kept dwelling on, I put that in there. The bad times that started to come up, especially when honor was introduced, was included. I included my own lack of self-discipline and my dedication to WoW, my eternal search for that missing something in the huge void in my life. But I also criticized WoW for what it did to people who I'd met ingame, people who were friendly in lower levels, but turned selfish in the endgame, and how WoW made that one person realize their life was just more than a game. (who rubbed off on me; I'll get more into that person later someday)

I haven't printed it out; I don't think I will just yet. It's still on my hard drive. I read over it and add more to it that I've forgotten. One of the issues I had was lying to myself, and I just kept unloading and unloading. I can't comprehend how much of a relief it was to write that letter.


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